Oh Mr. T, though you have aged along with the rest of us since your television heights of the 1980s, the twinkle in your eye remains undiminished.  The other morning as I flipped through the channels, I spied Mr. T talking about his favorite "greeyo."  It took a moment before I was able to translate this correctly, as the Mr. T-ese version of "grill."

Said greeyo is the FlavorWave Turbo, a peculiar kitchen instrument which is not quite an oven, not quite a microwave, not quite a steamer, but a little of all three. 

Frankly, I don't see a reason to buy one if you (like many people) already own an oven, a microwave, and a crock pot.  However this device would be aces if you were in a situation where you didn't have a stove.  College students living in dorms, people in tiny NYC apartments, and retirees traveling the country in Winnebagos all spring to mind.

The FlavorWave Turbo is like a big transparent crock pot, which can cook anything from cinnamon rolls to scallops and everything in between.  And, like every other kitchen gadget has always promised, you can even cook a whole turkey!

Like the Foreman Grill before it, the FlavorWave Turbo promises grease-free cooking.  This ability is provided largely through the provision of putting food on a rack to cook.  The greases drip down into the bottom, and can then be poured off.

To quote Mr. T, as he wrinkled his nose and stared in horror at the pile of grease left behind, "Who'd want that in they body?"

Truer words were never spoken.

The best part of the FlavorWave Turbo is the fast-forward clips of food being cooked inside.  It is truly hypnotic to watch an entire turkey cook in just a few seconds.  It's downright startling to see how much your food moves around when it's being cooked.  Pork chops brown, shrink, and puff up.  Scallops practically roll around as they contract and brown.  The effect is both creepy and yet delicious, as if the infomercial had been directed by David Lynch on an empty stomach.

Although the FlavorWave Turbo looks perfectly adequate (if superfluous to most people), it put me on my guard with its repeated assertion that it had been certified by the Cooking Club of America.  The CCA is a hard-sell scam operation, with a mile-long list of complaints from disgruntled customers.  Saying that your product has been approved by the Cooking Club of America isn't really the highest form of praise, is what I'm saying.

The FlavorWave Turbo comes with a complimentary stick blender as an added incentive.  I was bemused to see that not even the model could use the stick blender in the commercial without splattering everything everywhere. 

I finally donated my stick blender back to the thrift store where I bought it, because either it would make a high-speed mess of whatever I was trying to blend, or it wouldn't fit into the bowl I was trying to blend out of, leaving behind a hockey puck of food which had escaped its attentions.