There’s a lot of crap to buy in this world. If you didn’t already know enough, here’s some more ideas that your friends and family can re-gift this holiday season:

AbGymnic. Dubbed an “electronic gymnastic device,” the AbGymnic is guraranteed to produce resorts. Allegedly, you can strengthen your muscles without doing any work, a claim which sounds reliable on any number of levels if you want an in-home electrocution machine. The FDA has warned consumers about the shocks and burns that the product causes, and in a surprising act of a foreshadowing, Dead Like Me episode shows people that have used similar products burned up and dead on their couches. I would be willing to bet that people are still buying these in droves.

The Flowbee. The Flowbee was an invention that used vacuum suction so that buyers could cut and style their own hair at home. Seriously, you have to attach the hose of the Flowbee to your vacuum, so it’s the loudest haircut you’ll ever have. In the instructional video, users sort of just hack at their heads haphazardly, taking off a little here and a little there. As you can imagine, the results look great! One satisfied customer is pleased that he can cut his hair in two to three minutes. You can have any kind of hair cut imaginable from a flat top to a buzz cut. Are you buying a Flowbee?

Tiddy Bear. It took me several viewings to be convinced that this little bear that you nestle between what seems to be its namesake was a real product and not an SNL parody. But yes, it's real; they help you out and spell out the product’s name on the informercial—the Tiddy Bear—T-I-D-D-Y, you perv! The point of the bear is to keep seatbelt straps from cutting into you, your arm or your bosom, so you strap the cuddly creature around and lay it on the place of discomfort. In other words, you bury the bear face down in your breasts. They’ve lately changed the name to Snugglestrap.

Happy Hot Dog Man. I hate to say it, but I really, really want this one. The Happy Hot Dog Man cuts your hot dogs—and not just beef dogs, but turkey dogs, too!—into the shape of a miniature man you can cram into your mouth. It wasn’t enough that we didn’t know what hot dogs were made of, but now we can pretend they’re people, soilent green style. This is like the best kind of voodoo doll: Mr. Green at the office make you mad today? Dress up your Happy Hot Dog Man in 1997’s hottest suit and bite his arm off!