Mad TV had it right: the Pedipaws commercial is surprisingly disturbing. It may only be a computer graphic of a clipper biting deep into the quick of a dog's toenail, but I cringe every time.

 

The Pedipaws infomercial leverages that horror, your fear of hurting your pet, to convince you to buy a product which is as alarming to your pet as it is useless. Pedipaws! The buzzing vibrating whirring thing you're supposed to stick your pet's paw into! Remind me again, how is this better?

Now it is true that some people have better luck trimming their pets' nails with a Dremel or even an emery board than a pair of clippers. Frankly I think the patience required to file down your pet's nails would be better spent teaching them not to be afraid of the clippers. (And teaching yourself how to use them properly.)

 

But that being said, if your dog prefers those methods, and you don't mind spending all that time filing down all those nails, get down with your bad self. I won't stand in your way.

 

Pedipaws specifically, though, is just not going to work. 

 

First of all, none of those methods will ever work on a cat. It just won't. If your cat won't let you trim their nails with clippers, then you're screwed. End of story. You would probably have better luck teaching your cat to hold its ground against the vacuum cleaner than you would filing its nails with any kind of electrical device.

 

Even dogs are pretty afraid of Pedipaws the first time they encounter it. Between the noise and the sensation, most dogs (sensibly) conclude that you are trying to murder them, and they flee accordingly. 

 

What about the animals in the ads? Well, first of all, those are specially trained television animals. Second of all, I'm 98% sure that the Pedipaws in the ad isn't turned on. If it's just an inert thing you're sticking on their foot, most pets will grudgingly accept that.

 

But turn it on and it's a whole 'nother story.

 

And finally, it doesn't actually work. I know someone who bought one for her dog. She finally managed to convince the dog to accept the Pedipaws in action. And it turns out that the little motor isn't very strong. Which means that if you apply any pressure - like, if you try to file down a dog's toenail - it stops the little wheel. Save yourself the trouble, just set fire to your money out in the driveway and call it done.