December 2011

Novelty Headphones: Burn Them With Fire

One stubborn trend that should be killed to death

 

We all need to stop. Every holiday season, without fail, I see one of capitalism's most horrendous abominations for sale en masse. People must keep buying them, as companies keep making them and spitting them out all over store shelves. Even outside of the gifting season, I see them. I'm talking about the novelty headphones. You've seen them too. From campus bookstores to Best Buy to Urban Outfitters, they're everywhere. Even my local record store carries them, which is a mystery to me as I can't imagine anyone who actually likes music would turn to Skull Candy for their personal listening needs. They look trashy, sound terrible, and should be abolished from the planet post-haste.

Will Someone Please Give Me Herpes?!

Giant Plush Microbes deliver adorable diseases.

Um, ok? There is a new line of plush toys out. I can only assume that they are dedicated for the more math and science-oriented kids. You know, the nerdy ones. It’s ok I can say that; I have one. Who am I kidding? I have three nerdy girls, but one is particularly nerdy. I figure it’s better than raising the head cheerleader, less “boy stresses” later.

Time's Fleeting Celebrities of 2011

They are nowhere now.

Time magazine has released some really excellent Top 10 lists for 2011. These lists help you reminiscence about the amazing year, or make you glad that we're almost out of it. As the year progresses, there are pseudo-celebrities or celebrity-adjacent who make headlines for, well, a few minutes fewer than fifteen. These celebrities may have been making the front page for a week or two this year, but I'll bet you'll surprise yourself if you can dredge up one of the faces for this flash-in-the-pan celebrities. Let's reminiscence about a few of Time's Top 10 Fleeting Celebrities:

Top 10 Ridiculously Obvious Study Findings

Time's tops of 2011.

Time magazine has released some really excellent Top 10 lists for 2011. These lists help you reminiscence about the amazing year, or make you glad that we're almost out of it. One of the funniest lists is the Top 10 Ridiculously Obvious Study Findings. Often, psychology studies are so blatantly obvious, but are reported with such absolute seriousness and severity that you just want to laugh. It's kind of Time magazine to give a chance to give us a chuckle. Here are a few of Time's choices for Ridiculously Obvious Study Findings:

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia Pet! Everyone’s Favorite Gift To Give and Receive

You Know You Want One. Admit It.

Who doesn’t love a good Chia Pet?! It’s the gift that keeps on giving. The giver gets to see the look of … surprise and, obviously, excitement … on the receiver’s face as they open it. And, the gift’s receiver has the fun project of soaking the Chia Pet in water and spreading the seed goo on. Plus, there is the daily joy the Chia Pet gives as you admire its lush foliage. It’s a win-win, right?! Bah-ha-ha! Who am I kidding?!

The Weird, Unnecessary and Dangerous Inventions of 2011

Who has enough money to buy this junk?

Inventors are always creating things that make our lives easier. We didn’t know how difficult it was to cut a pizza with a knife until the creation of pizza scissors. We didn’t realize how hard it was to brew a cup of tea until we knew we couldn’t live up to our full potential without Hanger Tea. Our lives our so much better because of indispensable inventions made this year. Let’s take a look at some of them:

Loud Toys And Non-Parents

Now, I am a rational person. I consider myself to be a cool mom. I let my kids “be” kids. But, even I have my limits. On our last trip to the zoo, the drink cups came with “special” straws. Well, special to kids, not to adults. I thought it was just a zoo thing, but apparently other places now sell these straws, too. My mother-in-law actually sent some in the mail (we won’t even go there). What’s so unique about these straws, you ask? Well, they whistle. Not a quiet, little chirping noise, but a shrill, jarring one. A sound so annoyingly loud that it could shatter glass. Well, shatter something. Who came up with the idea? Who thought it would be a good idea to give loud little people a tool to make them even louder? Isn’t blowing bubbles in your milk or juice enough to drive any parent insane? Why did they have to go and add such an obnoxious noise to the mix? Don’t they know we already have a perpetual headache?