January 2012

Eggies | Do You Really Need Help Boiling an Egg?

Another "As Seen On TV" Winner

My cousin posted a FaceBook update that read, “Used my Eggies for the first time. What a perfect hard-boiled egg!!!!!!” So, of course, I had to check it out. My first thought was microwave eggs, which is gross just to think about. First impressions are not always right though. Eggies are boiled in water, just like regular hard-boiled eggs. The twist is that you crack the eggs into the plastic Eggies containers, seal and then plop the container in the boiling water. The benefit, according to the manufacturers, is that you do not need to “spend hours peeling” the shells off. Really? Hours? I never knew it took that long. Oh, wait. It doesn’t.

Cami Secret – What Secret are you hiding?

Do you have tops that you know would be great for the office if it wasn’t for the front going down too far and showing off cleavage?  I know that I have tonnes of these in my wardrobe because bar star clothing only has one issue in it when it comes to the office – cleavage!

Enter the Cami Secret!  It’s a piece of fabric designed to look like a camisole that you insert in the front of the low cut shirt and attach to the bra straps, and voila, bar clothing is now office appropriate!  What a great way to increase your wardrobe by only spending a few dollars on this great option!

While I could see this working well for shirts that are maybe just a tad too low, but if that shirt is quite a bit too low, like belly button low?  You are going to need to attach a few Cami Secrets to cover up all that extra skin!  And that is going to just look silly and foolish and your co-workers are going to wonder about the wisdom of wearing that shirt to work before or after you attach the fabric

Project 77

Predatory Christianity, A.K.A. "Adopt A Jew"
I usually stay away from the religious stuff, because it's all so earnestly wacky, it doesn't really count as a crappy infomercial or consumer product. It's like its own thing, you know? But I just couldn't give a pass to Project 77, which may be one of the most insulting, if not outright reprehensible, things I have seen advertised on television.
 
I stumbled across the Project 77 infomercial in the wee hours of a Sunday morning, which is when the Discovery Channel gets religion. It's usually four hours of Joel Osteen or whatever, but this Sunday it was something very different. It was a half-hour infomercial for a product that can essentially be described as "Adopt an African child, but it's a Jewish person, and you're trying to convert them to Christianity."
 
I'll just pause here for a moment to let you digest that tidbit. 

Why Pajama Jeans Suck

Ok. I am all for comfort, but some clothing items just go too far. The Snuggie. Wearing slippers to the grocery store. You get the picture. There should be some amount of modern decorum in your attire, whether you leave the house or not. Sure, if you are staying home sick, wear your pj’s and that oversized cardigan sweater with pockets big enough to hold an entire box of Kleenex and a year’s supply of cough drops. But, walking to the mailbox? Running into the grocery store? Dropping the kids off at school? No. You need something that, at the very least, will not embarrass your kids for life. Enter Pajama Jeans, right? Wrong!

Forever Lazy? As Seen On TV ....

I’m sorry, but how has “lazy” become a selling point? I may not specialize in sales copy, but even I know enough to realize that promoting a product as “lazy” may not be the best choice. Unless of course, you are marketing your product to coach potatoes. Maybe they appreciate blunt honesty? Maybe they do not consider the term “lazy” to be derogatory, more like a state of mind.

The Return of Vince

Welcome back, Vince! Stop hitting women.

 

Vince Offer (nee Offer Shlomi) is - or was - one of the most well-recognized infomercial pitchmen on television. Whether you know him as "SlapChop Vince" or "ShamWow Vince," you remember his abrasive dudebro style, his knowing smirk, and his ever-present (and entirely unnecessary) headset.
 
Then in 2009 Vince was arrested in Miami Beach, Florida and charged with felony battery after violently assaulting a prostitute. Vince alleged that the prostitute bit his tongue and wouldn't let go, and that he had to repeatedly punch her in the face in order to free himself.

Pedipaws: Avoid Canine Torture?

Seriously, just teach your pet to allow you to trim their nails normally
Mad TV had it right: the Pedipaws commercial is surprisingly disturbing. It may only be a computer graphic of a clipper biting deep into the quick of a dog's toenail, but I cringe every time.
 
The Pedipaws infomercial leverages that horror, your fear of hurting your pet, to convince you to buy a product which is as alarming to your pet as it is useless. Pedipaws! The buzzing vibrating whirring thing you're supposed to stick your pet's paw into! Remind me again, how is this better?